You know you're a geek when...

• You spend an hour figuring out how to do a half-hour job in ten minutes.
• When someone mentions Manchester, the first thing you think of involves ethernet phase encoding.
• Your watch is capable of displaying the time in .beats as well as hours, minutes and seconds.
• You look at a movie trailer and think, "I have that font."
• Your regular day job is systems architecture and infrastructure and you consider home networking and Web development a hobby
• With the (possible) exception of the blood-sucking part, you have the same basic characteristics as a vampire.
• You see John Grisham's The Client in bookstores, and your first thought is that the sequel should be called The Server.
• You get sudden attacks of bittersweet nostalgic feelings when thinking about your long-lost old Commodore 64, Sinclair ZX-81, TRS-80 (or whatever hardware you were raised on), and use large amounts of money/time trying to track one down.
• You are wearing ten year old spectacles, made of steel.
• You realize you never cook, instead you eat only take-away pizza.
• You check your web statistics more than once a day.
• You seriously consider devoting a web page to your computer. (Not the brand, mind you, but the actual computer itself)
• You think to yourself Doesn't everyone have a media PC hooked to their TV?
• You have more e-mail addresses than you do pairs of shoes.
• You get depressed when you get less than 10 e-mail msgs a day.
• Although vaguely insulted by pocket-protector jokes, you still find them funny.
• Someone asks you what languages you know, and you reply Upper Slavic, French, Esperanto and C.
• You are on the Obscure Software and Computer Crap Junk Mailing Lists.
• Sleep and nightime are no longer irrevocably linked.
• You arrange to get e-mail access no matter where you go.
• You hear the word "Scuzzy" and the first thing you think of is not an adjective.
• You put your pathfinder on the web.
• You get REALLY excited when people from countries with limited access to the 'net are frequent visitors to your pages.
• You write web pages about your web pages.
• Your favorite part of Geometry was proving theorems.
• You can remember your web address faster than your phone number.
• You do your best work after 11 p.m.
• You work in a building where you need a badge to activate the lift.
• You calculate the odds of getting one of the primo parking spaces in relation to your apartment, factoring in time, weather, season, etc, and are accurate over 80% of the time.
• You can count the number of moderately good hacker/computer dude type films on one hand. (I promised not to froth at the mouth when I went to go see The Net -- I failed miserably.)
• You can track the geek gene through your family tree.
• You froth at the mouth when someone talks about the "Information Superhighway."
• You can sing Tom Lehrer's element song.
• Not only is your computer in the centre of your room, it's set up so as allow 'netting from your couch, as well as your desk chair.
• You arrange your jobs so you can telecommute.
• You organise your CDs, so the tops all face upward, alphabetically, or by record label (If you do more than one of these, you are an Anal-Retentive Geek).
• You spend a lot of time figuring out which of 100 adult goldfish are the most fertile, have the strongest genes, and combined to produce tiny little goldfish.
• You carry a 3GB microdrive to and from work.
• You plot to get your grandmother on E-mail.
• You have to write with a pen, you find yourself using the Palm Graffiti characters.
• You think (x<<6)+(x<<4) is a perfectly natural way to multiply by 80.
• You've gutted and rebuilt your computer 5 times since you last changed the oil in your car.
• You know what a router is, and you know what a bit is, but you've never heard of a router bit.
• You consider 65536 and 256 nice round numbers.
• You wake up and realize that your sleep pattern has been following an algorithm.
• Your computer chair has the permanent and stiff indentation of your arse in it.
• You have assembled your own Linux distribution, and re-wrote some of the more inefficient code, just for fun.
• Every time someone says I like iMacs you get mad and shout out So you only go for the looks, do you?
• You're asked if you have more than one hard drive, you answer In which computer??
• You postpone your moving date so your computers can set new uptime records.
• Given the choice between a T3 and a date with a good looking guy/girl, you'd take the T3.
• You've ever been successful at catching a spammer.
• Your friends have a club with the word .com in it.
• You almost get in a fight when a small child says there is no internet.
• You think everyone should have an opinion about Bill Gates.
• You've ever passed notes at school in binary.
• You regard the User Friendly virus as a good thing.
• You've had an article appear at segfault.org.
• You've figured out how to crash Windows Server 2003 using only Internet Explorer and Notepad.
• You snigger whenever someone asks you how much memory is needed for Windows Server 2003 to run smoothly.
• You've ever written a useless program just for shits and giggles.
• You can start to make sense of a Windows BSoD
• You spend more time chatting on-line in one day then you do in a week's worth of actual conversation with people face-to-face.
• The number of computers in your house exceeds the number of relationships you've had in your lifetime.
• Your computer costs more and runs better than your car.
• Your watch is set to GMT. Always. (After all, it's the only time that makes logical sense.)
• You're reading a magazine and you see an underlined passage, you feel compelled to click on it.
• You have the Linux Penguin sitting on your monitor
• ...and you know the penguin's name.
• You're grossly offended that anyone would want to make their Linux box look or work anything like Windows.
• You wake up wondering which directory you're in.
• You set up your old computer next to your new one 2 months ago so that you could transfer files and you've been using them both ever since.
• Your wallpaper is made up of Linux kernel listings.
• Your computer is set for Dvorak... but your keyboard is actually a QWERTY.
• ...and you know what Dvorak and QWERTY refer to.
• You have a PC for every person in the house, and still think you need one more. I mean, what if one goes down!?
• You dream in C (and have nightmares in C#)
• You not only know what Be OS is, you have an opinion about it.
• You want to be the first in your street to be wet-wired.
• You check your e-mail before you brush your teeth in the morning
• You know Unix, Linux and their derivitives are the most superior operating systems out there.
• You e-mail yourself notes rather than writing them.
• You can program in more languages than you can speak.
• You use old CD-ROMs as coasters...
• ...and you've collected a matching set for every room in your house.